Sunday, April 10, 2011

I'm not a reluctant gardener, I'm just banned from helping

Well, the sun is out, Molly has been out most of the weekend with friends, Louise has ventured out into the garden for the first time this year with intent on kicking it into shape and I have been having a great old time writing stuff. I've done reviews, articles for the FPI blog, stuff for the school website and blog. Hell, I've even found the motivation to write some stuff here.

The gardening thing – yes, I am banned from helping. Absolutely, there is simply no argument. Louise has made it quite clear that my help is not required.

The totality of my gardening involvement is getting the lawnmower out, putting it away and taking the garden waste to the recycling centre.

You see, the problem is that I have a very minimalist view on gardens in general. Or rather, I have a very minimalist view on gardens that I have a hand in. Other people’s gardens – they can be as complicated and exotically overgrown as some suburban version of the Hanging Gardens Of Babylon. I love sitting in gardens, love relaxing in them, very peaceful.

Unless it’s my own. Then my mentality to do things kicks in, I see things that need doing, cutting back, tidying up, and the relaxation is lost. Hence my gardening routine was very simple; if I cut it back by X and it takes Y weeks to grow back, surely if I cut it back by 2X it would take 2Y to grow back. Can you see where this naturally leads me?

Start of the gardening season used to be devastation in our garden. Cutting everything back to within an inch of it’s life, often passing over into an inch of it’s death to be honest.

I may have done less damage if I’d have just carpet bombed the garden with DDT.

Louise also likes the garden. Louise likes the relaxing aspect of sitting in the garden. She’s also quite partial to the relaxing aspects of getting a garden looking right. Having a garden that looks like it’s been attacked by an indiscriminate chainsaw does not relax her at all.

End result; around March or April, when the sun comes out and the garden wakes up, Louise makes it quite clear to me that SHE will sort the garden out the first chance she gets. She also makes it quite clear that I am not to attempt to help in any way.

Which is why, right now, I’m upstairs, listening to Kraftwerk, with a big mug of coffee, writing lots of things and Louise has just finished mowing the lawn for the first time.

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