Ranty, ranty, ranty. It was going to be Louise birthday related, now it's simply a down the pub, look at the privilege in action thing...

So, I just wrote a lengthy diatribe on something. Moany. Ranty. Moany. Ranty. As is my want. I cultivate the idea of the curmudgeon, the whole Warren Ellis thing without the talent (or the health problems. Get well soon Warren). And then realised I couldn't post it without Louise working out what her birthday present is. Because despite the paucity of posting over the last god knows how many years, Louise still uses this to look through the family history from time to time. And seeing as this is one of those **SPECIAL** birthdays, I'm not giving anything away.

So... instead, you'll have to cope with me ranting over things that happen down the pub. Because why not?

One of the strangest things that's happened to me over the last couple of years is that I actually have a local. In fact, I practically have two. One's a writing pub, the other's a Gin palace of a pub. The Gin Palace is only open a few nights a week but it's a lovely place to try a new gin or three. They have 20-30 on at any time, but the writing place is great, I sit and relax and write, and drink coffee early in the evening and G&T (Monkey 47) later in the evening. Hell, I even have a regular seat. Ridiculous I know.

It's all down to quitting the fags (three years plus now. May 2012. And yes, I still miss it every day). One of the biggest problems was the lack of a quick and effective mind hoovering of a break that nipping outside in the garden gave me. So instead I find it easier to concentrate when I'm somewhere else, writing in public means I have to concentrate harder on the writing and less on the surroundings. It works for me anyway.

The ONLY problem with the pub? Absolutely nothing to do with the pub itself and everything to do with the clientèle. There's a certain type of customer, and I'd be stereotyping to say they have children at the local private school, but well, they do.

Take the other day for example. It's sports day for the private junior school/prep school/mini indoctrination and privilege building centre (call it what you want). In walks a couple of families, kids about 5/6, hyper as hell. As for the parents, well... mums who spend their time at the salon and boutique getting everything exactly right because heaven forbid they'd be a social outcast due to an ill-chosen bag or the wrong shade of spray tan. And dads who genuinely think it's ok to wear blue/beige suits, shirts open way too low and deck shoes sans socks. Sure, the fashion mags say sockless with suit works, but not if you're a 30-40 something middle ager but a touch of the unsightly paunch.

Anyway. The party goes outside. Eventually. Not before the kids run around and practically bounce off everything in sight; chairs, tables, the bar, themselves, their parents, doors, walls, the waiting staff. But outside obviously isn't enough. Time to have a fun race through the pub, in the fire exit and out the front, screaming loudly as they go. Over. And over. And over. And over. And over. Parents of little Tarquin x 2 doing absolutely sod all except get another round of belinis. Which is when both kids climb onto the tall, revolving stools at the bar and stand up on them. Shouty, shouty, shouty. Spinny spinny spinny. Dad ignores this completely. Then they climb ONTO the dividing wall between ball and the rest of the room. So now, they're a good 5ft off the ground and nope, dad STILL hasn't noticed. Nor for that matter, has mum, who's at the bar now and has actually walked PAST the kids to get there. The level of consciously ignoring the kids to get to this point is something that's obviously taken years to hone to this supreme height of shitty parenting. Nor do they notice when the kids JUMP off the dividing wall onto the seats below.

Thing is, this isn't anything like an isolated incident. Nor is it limited to the private school. But seeing as it is my local, seeing as I'm there a fair bit, writing my stuff and drinking my coffee / G&T, my anecdotal observations suggest that there's a lot of really overly-entitled, rude, ignorant little Tarquins and Tarquinas running around here.

And.... rant over. Back to writing about nice stuff. In fact, tomorrow we have a fantastically lovely nice thing for you to look at.