I've also decided, in a addition to those resolutions in the last post, that continually posting the state of my depression and my current mood is of very little help to me - unless someone out there is a qualified psychotherapist and wants to do a free consult via the comments section.
So, without really wanting to bemoan my existence too much I just want to make comment on my current thinking:
As usual I'm worrying far too much about various things, which can be neatly categorised into a few boxes: house, job, relaxing, moving forward.
House - I used to be a very chilled out person about things like the house. Back in Brookfield Road, where we used to live in Birmingham I started out worrying very little about the house. It was fine, things went wrong, they got fixed. I had neither the ability or the inclination to do anything about it. But a little knowledge seems to be a very dangerous thing where it comes to my mind. So over the years, as I've learnt more about houses and how they can go wrong, I've learnt enough to worry but still not enough to really do much more than that.
Now, since coming up to Yorkshire and moving into this new build house, I've worried nearly continuously about various things to do with the house. Louise, as always, is by far the more sensible about this. She acknowledges that things go wrong and we need to get them fixed, but she shares neither my incessant worrying or my stress about it. I, on the other hand, seem to do nothing but worry.
Of course, it hasn't really helped that every problem we've had with the house just hasn't really been sorted. The roof's been the main problem and still isn't completely sorted over a year after we first started pestering the builders with it.
Our builders, like most builders nowadays just don't seem capable of communicating with the owners of their properties. They still cling to the old ways, where builders just built houses and then had nothing more to do with them. It's meant to have changed and they're meant to do after care now. It's all part of the NHBC guarantee. But anyone who's ever tried to get hold of their builder once the build is over will very probably tell you a similar story. Difficult to get hold of, impossible to get to commit to fixing your problems, full of half promises and generally a bit rubbish.
Other things on the house that we have had problems with: the roof, the shower pipe, the shower itself have been genuine problems. On top of that there's been my own ridiculous worries about various aspects of the house. I spent so long when we moved in worrying about the floors of the first floor. Our old house, being over a hundred years old, had solid beams and floorboards. Our new house has these horrible floating floors. I still find it weird the amount of movement there is in the house when I walk around it. And those worries just don't seem to go away no matter how many people tell me that it's completely normal and all part of a new house.
The ongoing and genuine problems with the house have been such to fundamentally undermine my basic trust and confidence in the house. My reasonable, logical mind can tell me that it's all okay and these unfortunate experiences with the house are just teething trouble and shouldn't mean that the whole house is likely to come crashing down.
I'm trying to work on these issues with the house, but it's really, really difficult. The roof may be, finally, nearing completion but the latest trouble with that bloody shower pipe just makes me worry more and more about the way the house has been built.
Obviously there's nothing I can really do except try to get over it. Easy to say, a long time and very difficult to bloody well do.